When Should I Get A Divorce?
“When should I get a divorce?”. Anyone who is seeking to answer that question must first know what a divorce is and how it can be an important decision to make, one that should not be taken lightly.
The definition of a divorce is the “legal dissolution of a marriage by a court…” this generally means that the parties who were previously bound by the union of marriage is now free of any marital obligation towards one another. This allows the parties to now freely pursue new relationships and eventually legally form new unions with new partners.
However, deciding on whether to go through with a divorce can be a daunting decision to make especially given the social stigma that still persist more so in certain segments of society than others. However, external pressures should not hinder one from seeing that the marriage is problematic and seeking for a solution to quell that problem should not be seen as something shameful. There exists a myriad of reasons in deciding when it is time to get a divorce, this article seeks to explore some of those reasons and bring to light some clarity on the topic at hand.
Lack of Understanding and Communication
Starting off with a more subtle reason as to why some couples opt for a divorce; the lack of understanding between 2 individuals can often be downplayed especially in the context of a more conservative Asian society. Often couples get into a relationship and eventually marriage due to societal pressures and expectations without first having a deeper understanding about what a marriage entails and/or how to work together to make a marriage successful.
Often these young couples are not equipped mentally and/or emotionally to deal with the challenges in a marriage and eventually the stresses it can lead to a breakdown in communication between the parties and eventually sour the relationship. Simple but important phrases such as “I love you”, “I appreciate you” and “thank you for being here for me”, can often be overlooked and underplayed which can lead to both parties not wanting to talk to each other for fear of being uncomfortable. This in turn fosters an environment where communication becomes increasingly hard amongst one another, resentment grows and trust in one another dwindles.
This lack of understanding can also stem from unrequited desires and wants that were not given a chance to be expressed thereafter resulting in resentment. However, without discrediting the effort that both parties might or might not have put into salvaging the relationship i.e. trying to fix their communication by seeking for professional help and/or any other by any other means, if the marriage reaches a point where there is a general sense of hopelessness, anger, toxicity or any other form of negativity then the other option would be for the couple to start a new chapter in their lives by parting ways.
Instances of Mental Or Physical Abuse
Abuse in any form and/or directed to anyone should not be tolerated, sadly divorce can become the only option for those trapped in this toxic and vicious cycle. However, being able to identify abuse is also an issue as more often than not abuse especially in a marriage can start of subtly, gradually evolving into something abominable and unrecognizable for what it once was.
Physical abuse is the easier of the 2 to identify as there are the physical scars and/or marks made as a result of that abuse. The challenge lies in identifying mental abuse as the effects of it cannot be seen immediately and will only manifest itself in other forms.
To put it simply, emotional abuse involves belittling another without physically striking them this includes making the victim feel threatened, inferior, ashamed or degraded by way of insults, verbal threats or other tactics that inferior. This in turns results in the abuser gaining control over the abused, making it all the harder for the victim to recognize that he or she are being abused. This happens most in marriages where one party has some form of leverage against the other i.e. a physically dominating husband, a monetarily more capable spouse or because the other party suffers from an inferiority complex and has trouble trusting their spouse, hence resulting in the abuse in order to keep them in “line”.
Whatever the case maybe, if one is stuck in an abusive relationship and or marriage, then they should try and seek help from professionals and or friends. On the other hand, if you know of anyone who is suffering from abuse, contact your local authorities or look up for sources such as on https://wao.org.my/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/ in order to attain the necessary support. Those trapped in such marriages often find relieve as soon as they are divorced from their abusers and are able to live full and happy lives.
Couples enter into a marriage for this reason more often than one might think. As inflation and general cost of living is on a constant raise, it makes perfect sense for couples to join under a single household in order to ease their financial burden. However, despite this logic financial stresses and the lack of emotional education can bring out the worst in people.
Staying in an unhappy marriage solely for the financial benefit can be detrimental to ones mental and emotional health, on top of that if children are involved it would more often than not mean an unconducive environment for them to grow up in. Fortunately, if economic benefit is the only reason keeping you in the marriage, then making the decision to file for a divorce will not be as emotionally taxing as other factors. In fact, the law in may jurisdictions protects the rights of both parties to receive alimony as well as for the proper division of assets and/or maintenance.
Hence, in instances where one has tried to the best of their capabilities to salvage and save their marriage but still finds themselves in an unhappy, unsafe and/or unloving marriage, then they should weigh their options and think logically as to which course of action would best suit their situation. If that decisions is to file for a divorce, whether if it’s for their own safety and/or wellbeing then there should be no shame in doing so because ultimately your happiness is in your own hands.
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